He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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