on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
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