so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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