did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
