just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
