I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
