I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
