Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I just sucked dick on a ferry
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
