i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
