I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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