Kareoke will never be a sober sport
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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