I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize