i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
