tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
