I think I died a long time ago.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
