Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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