i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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