haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
