Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
