I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
