I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
The adults are the big ones right?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
