tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
