i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
