Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
