meet me or not, i'm out of control
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
