neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
