Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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