sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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