the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
