dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
did you just send me my own nude
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
