Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
