Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I should be sponsored by Trojan
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
