that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
