I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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