I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
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