apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
