i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
