Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
