ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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