Sry I called you an 8
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
