I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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