I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
