i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
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