WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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