I got chris browned last night
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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