I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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