yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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