at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
