im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
