we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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