Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
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