dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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