Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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