You're completely useless in the revolution.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize