Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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