tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
