3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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