Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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