I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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