So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
