So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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