At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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