i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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