right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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