i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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