I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
