If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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