he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
