Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
