He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
