Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
there is puke in my bra ... again
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