He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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