my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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