If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
