Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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