why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
