Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
My cat gives me a boner
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
