people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I cut my penus on the lid.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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