Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
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