I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
