Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
are you so shy because you have an std?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
