a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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