Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
