So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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