I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Sober January is a disaster.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
