you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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