Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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